How to deal with tearful separation at daycare drop-off

How can parents deal with a child who cries at daycare drop-off?

It is very difficult for parents to leave their child crying at daycare. As Daycare Providers, we have to occasionally deal with tearful separation. In most cases, the amount of time the child spends crying is directly proportional to the amount of time the parent spends lingering. If the separation is done quickly, the child won't remain crying.

Here are some Dos and Don'ts for dropping your child off at daycare:

Do: Let your child get to know their Daycare Provider ahead of time

Having an interview with your Daycare Provider before your child's first day is essential. Let your child meet his/her Daycare Provider, see the Daycare space and meet the other children. Talk with the Provider and learn about the routine. If possible, try and get your child on their schedule before starting. For example: If the children nap from noon to 2:00 p.m., start putting your child down for their nap at this time. If your child's schedule matches the Daycare schedule it will make an easy transition for him/her. It is also a good idea for your child to start with half days at first. A ten-hour day, away from his/her parents for the first time, seems like forever to a child.

Don’t: Look Scared and Sad Yourself

Young children look to their parent's expressions to see if a situation is safe. If parents look scared, sad or like they are about to cry, it conveys the message that the child should be scared or sad. This will increase their anxiety. This is a difficult time for parents, but you need to be strong for your child.

Do: Smile and Tell Them That You Know That They Will Have Fun at Daycare

Smile and show confidence as you assure your child, they will have fun at daycare. Don't say, "I know you don't want to go daycare. I don't want to leave you and go to work." This makes daycare seem like a scary place. Tell your child they will have a fun day with their friends, and you will be back later.

Don’t: Ignore Your Child’s Tears

It is important that your child know that you care when they are sad. Don't ignore your child or act angry. Your child doesn't want to upset or disappoint you. Remind them that you know they will have a fun day at Daycare, even though they are sad right now.

Do: Say, "Goodbye" and tell your child "I love you."

Tell your child, "Goodbye", give them a kiss or hug, tell them, "I love you." Then tell your child you have to go now.

Parenting isn’t easy. Separating from your child for the first time is difficult, but you need to be strong for your child. Keep a smile on your face until you are no longer in their view, (then you may cry).

Daycare Providers try and remain calm and strong for the parents and children. This doesn't mean that we don't care. It breaks our hearts to see children cry.

We realize it is difficult to walk away, when your child is in tears. By following the Do's and Don'ts above, you will make it easier for your child and yourself. This will almost guarantee that when you arrive to pick up your child, he/she will be smiling and excited to tell you all about their day!

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